At A Moments Notice...

The last couple of weeks I've been re-creating my existence. Beginning to live in a place of peace. It's been difficult as old habits do not die easily. The words of those who have gone through the process, or who like me are going through the process fill my head and my heart. It's good to know that I am not on this journey alone. A journey back to self.

I almost lost it this afternoon when I heard Lauryn wail, "Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor, in this staged interpretation of this day?" Like kevin.daily I really don't think most were ready for Lauryn or her message. But like her I have to remove all that does not bring me closer to my true self--even if it means losing a few folks along the way. I'm tired of the matrix, tired of the imagery, sick and tired of wanting to be free and yet doing absolutely nothing to obtain it.

I've gotta find peace of mind. I've got to get to that place where the mirror reflects all thats true, a place where I'm no longer fighting myself, or hating myself or failing to forget just who's child I am. Because when it all falls down I want to be able to get up, dust myself off and fully embrace the me that's been dying to get out.

I'm going to close this out by attaching the lyrics to Lauryn's song Oh Jerusalem. I do hope you'll take the time to read them...because believe me, it's worth your time.
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Oh Jerusalem, oh Jerusalem, oh Jerusalem, oh Jerusalem...

Realizing that there's no place else to go,
and there's nobody I know who can help me,
text book solutions are so improbable,
cuz everybody else is just as empty.

Naked as the day that I was born,
I tried to hide behind education and philosophy
a hopeless explanation to describe a situation
I can't see because the world's on top of me.

Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me,
from the body of this death?
Freeing me from dust, and the superficial trust
of an enemy that seeks to take my breath?

Failing to connect, cuz I'm morally defect
by reason of the God inside my head.

Causing me to see, only what pertains to me
believing I'm alive when I'm still dead.

Limited to earth, unable to find out my worth
cuz I can't see past my own vanity

If I'm not included, then I just have to remove it
from my mind because it has to be insanity.

Oh wretched man that I am, who will deliver me,
from the body of this death?
Can I even factor, that I've only been an actor
in this staged interpretation of this day?

Focused on the shadow, with my back turned to the light
too intelligent to see it's me in the way...

What a paradox, having God trapped in a box!
All this time professing to be spiritual...

Naturally pretending, that I'm actually defending
God through my façade, [when it's] only material

Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness!
That thou may be saved from thy deception.
How long, shall thy fake those lies within thee, oh Jerusalem
keeping thee from perfection?

Submit to truth!
Leave the deception of thy youth!
So we can walk in the council of authority.

Forget the proof!
A generation so aloof,
only follow in the steps of the majority...

Trust in the Lord, with all thy heart
and lean not to thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge Him,
and He shall direct our paths.

Be not wise in thine own eyes that you can’t follow him,
[for] we judge and condemn; [and are] just as ignorant as them
who religion tells us that we should ignore.

Perpetrating we're in covenant with Him,
[while] exposed by the very things that we adore
We grin and shake hands, then lay ambush for the man
who has a different point of view then us.
Infuriated cuz he doesn't understand,
bringing up those things we don't want to discuss.

Wise who do evil, we don't know how to do good
Walking on in darkness running from the light.
Led to believe, because we live in neighborhoods
[where they keep] telling us what's going on will be alright.

Oh so repressed, so convinced that I was blessed,
when I played with my game of Monopoly!
Oh to suggest, that my life is still a mess...
Who revealed that the pride I'm hiding is what's stopping me?

Oh Jerusalem, wash thy heart from wickedness!
That thou may be saved from thy deception.
How long, shall thy fake those lies within thee, oh Jerusalem
keeping thee from perfection?